Insecurities... deep down we all have them. Most of us are not that good at admitting that we have them though. Such am I, one of those people. At the present time, I am having insecurity problems about friendships, relation sips.

I have been in cyberschool for the last year, and it has been hard on me because I am so sick all the time, and then have ALOT of work to make up. That means what would have been my free time is spent doing schoolwork, and not being spent with friends. From all this lack of time being spent with my friends, I kinda feel that I am loosing friendships. I know that I haven't lost them in a way that they never want to talk to me again, or vice versa, but more in a fading way. I feel like they are fading away.

Fading friendships... makes me insecure about what kind of person that make me, for not making time for the people, that just a year ago, were my everything. Am I just another face in the crowd? or am I actually an individual? because at the moment I am not feeling much like the latter.

Ever heard the saying, "Boys may come and go but friends last forever"? That happens to be my problem... both of them seem to be going. Especially the boys part... about two months ago, a relationship ended that I was convinced would last forever. Okay, so maybe that was a bit foolish to assume a teenage relationship would last forever, but having it end hasn't helped me at all.

Loosing that relationship has made me wonder, what did I do wrong? do I really have that many flaws? what can I do better? and the list just goes on and on, but you get my idea... I am now in a new relationship with a fabulous guy, who I really do have feelings for. The problem is that the insecurities that appeared form the last relationship ending, are still here... I wonder how this one can work out, if I haven't really changed...

The thing is, it probably cant... as some of the people closest to me have pointed out, I'm obsessive, and I tend to blow things out of proportion, when I am really upset. Unless this changes, the wonderful guy I am with probably wont think of me as so wonderful, for much longer.

And that brings me to my main point... CHANGE IS HARD. whether its a habit, or just something new in your life, CHANGE IS HARD. For life to improve, change is necessary though. Such as obsessive tendencies, that I have, or acting over dramatic at times. I am so willing to change, its just that I don't know if I'm ready. Then again, do I have to be ready for me to change? probably not... I just need to be willing to go through with the necessary character and personality disciplines... and I am.

Here's to the future me! Bonne Change A Moi!