Wow. That's all I have to say, as I look back on the last year. I have learned more than I could have imagined. I have learned lessons of Love, drama, and faith. I seriously believe that this has been the biggest and most important year of my life so far. Not surprising since it was my special year.... I turned 16 on the 16th of september.... haha.
lessons of Love: Live and love as though there is no tomorrow and cherish every moment of every second. Romantic love isn't guaranteed to last forever, and that this age, it probably wont. I was in a relationship deep down I believed would last forever. In Januarary, I was proved very wrong after that special somebody broke up with me. I am still heartbroken, but now I realize how much that taught me. Near the end of the relationship I started taking that love and relationship as though it was a gift for me to keep forever. It wasn't. I have learned that everything in love AND life needs to be fully appriciated every moment of every second.
There were plenty of other love lessons I learned but the other one I will mention was taught to me by not one incident or one person, but all my friends and family, and many many incidents. Its how much I am loved by each and every friend and family memeber. How each of them reached out to me and told me they loved me and would pray for me, and my health. The way friends and family are constantly there for me. In general, everyone knows they are loved to some extent, but when hard times hit, like really really really hard times, then you see the extent of the love the people around you have for you.
Friendship love is one that has strengthened between me and my bffl Siara ALOT in the last year. I have been cyberschooled giving us alot of time to chat each day. It has also given us the opertunity to open up further to each other and help one another cope with our day to day problems and minor crisises. I have learned how much love can grow in times of hurt and sarrow. Her frienship is something I hope to never take for granted. We have something special. This is just another good reason why I want to live and love as though there is no tomorrow and cherish every moment of every second. There is nothing better than being able to look at what you have and count your blessings, and learning these lessons of love, and many others have been extrodanarily important in helping me realize that.
Lessons of Drama and Faith: Life has its ups and downs and the only way to get through them is love, friendships and being firmly rooted in prayer. (Being firmly rooted in prayer is proabably the most important one.) I have gone through some turbulent times recently with my health. I have also have seen my friends go through many ups in downs in their lives too, which greatly affected me. Somehow, God has used these expirences to draw me closer to Him. I find myself reading a few devotionals a day, praying much more than I ever have, and even reading my Bible. God has become the center of my life and I owe it all to Him putting me in all these crazy situations, so that I would draw to Him for strength.
I even was able to see a friend come to faith in Jesus Christ because of how God used me. He put me in just the right place at just the right time, and used me in the most wonderful way. This friend's life was filled with pain, suffering, and drama. Life is like that, its crazy. Somehow God proved to me through her, that He can calm the lives of even the craziest and most dramatized people. Its crazy, but He used the salvation of someone else, to draw ME even closer to Him. WOW. God is great. :) Amen.
So yeah... Its been a rough last year, there have been really great highs, and really deep discoraging lows, but through it all I have learned what feels like a lifetime of life lessons, and I couldnt be more thankful for it. I guess learning the hard way is the best way. lol. (Can't believe I just said that, haha)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Insecurities... deep down we all have them. Most of us are not that good at admitting that we have them though. Such am I, one of those people. At the present time, I am having insecurity problems about friendships, relation sips.
I have been in cyberschool for the last year, and it has been hard on me because I am so sick all the time, and then have ALOT of work to make up. That means what would have been my free time is spent doing schoolwork, and not being spent with friends. From all this lack of time being spent with my friends, I kinda feel that I am loosing friendships. I know that I haven't lost them in a way that they never want to talk to me again, or vice versa, but more in a fading way. I feel like they are fading away.
Fading friendships... makes me insecure about what kind of person that make me, for not making time for the people, that just a year ago, were my everything. Am I just another face in the crowd? or am I actually an individual? because at the moment I am not feeling much like the latter.
Ever heard the saying, "Boys may come and go but friends last forever"? That happens to be my problem... both of them seem to be going. Especially the boys part... about two months ago, a relationship ended that I was convinced would last forever. Okay, so maybe that was a bit foolish to assume a teenage relationship would last forever, but having it end hasn't helped me at all.
Loosing that relationship has made me wonder, what did I do wrong? do I really have that many flaws? what can I do better? and the list just goes on and on, but you get my idea... I am now in a new relationship with a fabulous guy, who I really do have feelings for. The problem is that the insecurities that appeared form the last relationship ending, are still here... I wonder how this one can work out, if I haven't really changed...
The thing is, it probably cant... as some of the people closest to me have pointed out, I'm obsessive, and I tend to blow things out of proportion, when I am really upset. Unless this changes, the wonderful guy I am with probably wont think of me as so wonderful, for much longer.
And that brings me to my main point... CHANGE IS HARD. whether its a habit, or just something new in your life, CHANGE IS HARD. For life to improve, change is necessary though. Such as obsessive tendencies, that I have, or acting over dramatic at times. I am so willing to change, its just that I don't know if I'm ready. Then again, do I have to be ready for me to change? probably not... I just need to be willing to go through with the necessary character and personality disciplines... and I am.
Here's to the future me! Bonne Change A Moi!
I have been in cyberschool for the last year, and it has been hard on me because I am so sick all the time, and then have ALOT of work to make up. That means what would have been my free time is spent doing schoolwork, and not being spent with friends. From all this lack of time being spent with my friends, I kinda feel that I am loosing friendships. I know that I haven't lost them in a way that they never want to talk to me again, or vice versa, but more in a fading way. I feel like they are fading away.
Fading friendships... makes me insecure about what kind of person that make me, for not making time for the people, that just a year ago, were my everything. Am I just another face in the crowd? or am I actually an individual? because at the moment I am not feeling much like the latter.
Ever heard the saying, "Boys may come and go but friends last forever"? That happens to be my problem... both of them seem to be going. Especially the boys part... about two months ago, a relationship ended that I was convinced would last forever. Okay, so maybe that was a bit foolish to assume a teenage relationship would last forever, but having it end hasn't helped me at all.
Loosing that relationship has made me wonder, what did I do wrong? do I really have that many flaws? what can I do better? and the list just goes on and on, but you get my idea... I am now in a new relationship with a fabulous guy, who I really do have feelings for. The problem is that the insecurities that appeared form the last relationship ending, are still here... I wonder how this one can work out, if I haven't really changed...
The thing is, it probably cant... as some of the people closest to me have pointed out, I'm obsessive, and I tend to blow things out of proportion, when I am really upset. Unless this changes, the wonderful guy I am with probably wont think of me as so wonderful, for much longer.
And that brings me to my main point... CHANGE IS HARD. whether its a habit, or just something new in your life, CHANGE IS HARD. For life to improve, change is necessary though. Such as obsessive tendencies, that I have, or acting over dramatic at times. I am so willing to change, its just that I don't know if I'm ready. Then again, do I have to be ready for me to change? probably not... I just need to be willing to go through with the necessary character and personality disciplines... and I am.
Here's to the future me! Bonne Change A Moi!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
what a prince charming should be
Young and ready to fall in love. That would just about explain me right now. Doesnt every teenage girl want to fall in love with her prince charming? Okay, so lets be frank..... no body is perfect so we girls shouldnt be looking for anyone flawless... but I surely am not going to settle for someone that isnt up to par.
I have been thinking about what would make a guy/ man acceptable. First off I believe that you should not date outside your faith. PERIOD. That should eliminate all the fella's that have opposite morals from you.
One thing I personally feel that should not be acceptable, is a guy who swears. I dont mean like occasionally when things are bad or when he stubs his toe, but when ever he talks at all, he swears like there is no tomorrow.
The one exception to this rule. It would probably be if he was a true gentleman, like men were in the 1900's, who used foul language but knew better than to use it around ladies and children. In my book that wold be okay.
Then this guy should know how to treat a woman right. He should be willing to buy things for her on occasion and tell her she looks beautiful. This man should know when to hold his tongue, but be willing to tell the honest truth when it is asked of him.
Good looks are a bonus but not a necessity. He should at least be willing to keep himself groomed or at least smelling good.
good manners are also a MUST. one final thing I would be looking for in a man is selflessness and a willingness to put his woman before him and treat her like a queen.
Am I really asking too much to ask for a man who treats a woman well and truely cares about her? Ladies.......remember... there is no reason to settle for less than what you deserve. Why in the world would we settle for less than decent? There are alot of guys out there, both gentleman and jerks. make sure you dont go for the second.
TIP: You have the power to be a strong and powerful woman who can get what she wants. Make sure at the beginning of every relationship you and the boyfriend-to-be know where each others standards are for dating and morals and that kind of thing.
-Best of luck in this crazy world of men.
I have been thinking about what would make a guy/ man acceptable. First off I believe that you should not date outside your faith. PERIOD. That should eliminate all the fella's that have opposite morals from you.
One thing I personally feel that should not be acceptable, is a guy who swears. I dont mean like occasionally when things are bad or when he stubs his toe, but when ever he talks at all, he swears like there is no tomorrow.
The one exception to this rule. It would probably be if he was a true gentleman, like men were in the 1900's, who used foul language but knew better than to use it around ladies and children. In my book that wold be okay.
Then this guy should know how to treat a woman right. He should be willing to buy things for her on occasion and tell her she looks beautiful. This man should know when to hold his tongue, but be willing to tell the honest truth when it is asked of him.
Good looks are a bonus but not a necessity. He should at least be willing to keep himself groomed or at least smelling good.
good manners are also a MUST. one final thing I would be looking for in a man is selflessness and a willingness to put his woman before him and treat her like a queen.
Am I really asking too much to ask for a man who treats a woman well and truely cares about her? Ladies.......remember... there is no reason to settle for less than what you deserve. Why in the world would we settle for less than decent? There are alot of guys out there, both gentleman and jerks. make sure you dont go for the second.
TIP: You have the power to be a strong and powerful woman who can get what she wants. Make sure at the beginning of every relationship you and the boyfriend-to-be know where each others standards are for dating and morals and that kind of thing.
-Best of luck in this crazy world of men.
Monday, March 9, 2009
the decision
Decisions.... thats what makes up life, isnt it? decision after decision after decision. most of the time they are simple, like what to eat for breakfast. Once in awhile we come accross decisions that we take days or weeks to decide on. These decisions have the possiblility to alter our lives. I am in the situation where I am faced with making one of those decisions.
Cyberschool or public school? THAT is the delema. At the moment I have been in cyber school a little bit over 6 months. I suffer from insanely cronic migranes and they nock me out for long periods of time. that is the reason my parents and I orriganally chose for me to attend Pa Leadership: my health.
The problem is that it is close to impossible to get caught back up with all my schoolwork after I miss a few days of school. Its not like I just miss one or two days here or there.... I miss 2 or 3 days a week, a couple times a week. This makes things incredably stressful on me.
I throughly enjoy cyberschool though. When I am caught up in my schoolwork I get to go ballroom dacing, to Senior High Girls Bible Study with the church youthgroup, and youthgroup. My classes are great too. my teachers are incredably friendly and there isnt a single teacher that I dont like.
The setup of school is a challege because I am forced to learn to modivate myself to work; there isnt anyone to push me other than my parents.... parent nag... not modivate. ( love ya mom and dad, but its the truth).
I believe the problem with cyberschool, for me, is that I deicided to take on too many classes when I was schedueling for my sophmore year. If I decided to attend cyberschool again for my junior year, I will most definately take fewer classes.
My father has voiced his worry that I will not just take less classes but easier ones too. I have thought of this, and have decided that easier classes would get me nowhere and the only reason to take easier classes would be if I was going to take the same amount of classes I took this year, which I most deffinately am not going to do.
The other option, public school, is one that I have also concidered. I would get to see my friends alot more, and who doesnt like seeing their friends? surely not me. I would be thrilled to see my friends daily, like I did up until this year, my sophmore year. I have the option of seeing my friends durring the summer and durring the weekends if I decided to see them though.
The school part of this decision is difficult for me... if I choose to go back to public school then I would get the personal type of learning I dont get in cyber school, and it might make learning a bit more fun for me.
The whole reason I started cyberschool, though, was my health. I truely believe that last year, I missed a few of those days of school beacuse I didnt feel good due to lack of sleep. If I did decided to go back to public school, the I would be waking up around 5:30, leaving the house around 6:30 to get the bus, and then starting school at 7:20 or so. Then I would be at school all day long, come home, work on homework until 10 or 11, and then go to bed and start the next day as a repeat of the day before. public school would leave no time for any time of extracarrucular activites. Plus I would only be getting around 6 hours of sleep a night.
The reason we started cyber school was because of my health. last year getting up for school was bad enough. I doubt Highschool will be any better; if anything... worse.
I miss my friends but I dont want to make my health get any worse.... WHAT SHOULD I DO??? email me your thoughts please. I need help.
Cyberschool or public school? THAT is the delema. At the moment I have been in cyber school a little bit over 6 months. I suffer from insanely cronic migranes and they nock me out for long periods of time. that is the reason my parents and I orriganally chose for me to attend Pa Leadership: my health.
The problem is that it is close to impossible to get caught back up with all my schoolwork after I miss a few days of school. Its not like I just miss one or two days here or there.... I miss 2 or 3 days a week, a couple times a week. This makes things incredably stressful on me.
I throughly enjoy cyberschool though. When I am caught up in my schoolwork I get to go ballroom dacing, to Senior High Girls Bible Study with the church youthgroup, and youthgroup. My classes are great too. my teachers are incredably friendly and there isnt a single teacher that I dont like.
The setup of school is a challege because I am forced to learn to modivate myself to work; there isnt anyone to push me other than my parents.... parent nag... not modivate. ( love ya mom and dad, but its the truth).
I believe the problem with cyberschool, for me, is that I deicided to take on too many classes when I was schedueling for my sophmore year. If I decided to attend cyberschool again for my junior year, I will most definately take fewer classes.
My father has voiced his worry that I will not just take less classes but easier ones too. I have thought of this, and have decided that easier classes would get me nowhere and the only reason to take easier classes would be if I was going to take the same amount of classes I took this year, which I most deffinately am not going to do.
The other option, public school, is one that I have also concidered. I would get to see my friends alot more, and who doesnt like seeing their friends? surely not me. I would be thrilled to see my friends daily, like I did up until this year, my sophmore year. I have the option of seeing my friends durring the summer and durring the weekends if I decided to see them though.
The school part of this decision is difficult for me... if I choose to go back to public school then I would get the personal type of learning I dont get in cyber school, and it might make learning a bit more fun for me.
The whole reason I started cyberschool, though, was my health. I truely believe that last year, I missed a few of those days of school beacuse I didnt feel good due to lack of sleep. If I did decided to go back to public school, the I would be waking up around 5:30, leaving the house around 6:30 to get the bus, and then starting school at 7:20 or so. Then I would be at school all day long, come home, work on homework until 10 or 11, and then go to bed and start the next day as a repeat of the day before. public school would leave no time for any time of extracarrucular activites. Plus I would only be getting around 6 hours of sleep a night.
The reason we started cyber school was because of my health. last year getting up for school was bad enough. I doubt Highschool will be any better; if anything... worse.
I miss my friends but I dont want to make my health get any worse.... WHAT SHOULD I DO??? email me your thoughts please. I need help.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
